a small poem

i toss and turn all night 

my heart beat surprisingly steady

hugging the wall, so not to scare you to the couch

i didn't flinch when you said you love me,

(i've come to peace with where we are,

where we may always be)

lilah tov 

the road

 My mother's eyes are as confused as my heart- they flash pride and betrayal, disappointmentment, amusement and I wonder how I could help. My secret-keeper, my protector, and somehow i'm letting her down. My father is colour blind, how fitting, as I reach for words in our silence, he is content in his naivety- it's not fair of me. My brother is small, but he's growing up fast. His voice changes octaves when he tells me he loves me, but the meaning is steady, and i'm thankful. My sister takes my side naturally and sparingly, she listens and responds with the voice of my mother( if her nature would allow her). Defending the fact that it will all be ok, I believe her,dragging her into this waiting game.  Bright and clear I can see why so many of these stories, go in the direction they do. A seemingly dead end, many times I have met. I suppose I haven't built the rest of the road yet.